Loneliness is hard to deal with at times, and I think that even some of the most independent strong willed people can relate. I do enjoy time to myself and doing things alone, however I have those moments of sadness when I think that there is no one- no friend, no family and no man. I try and look to God, I ask him to fulfill that hole of emptiness, but until I fully have faith in believing that he can satisfy my every need I am not sure I will feel or be whole. There may be a time when the things I love are more enjoyable when shared with someone, but I'm not there yet. I still don't understand why I push people away, have such high expectations for others, and stay far from love. I'm not sure I can wrap my head around the fact that we are okay to fall for someone or think about marriage when the relationship we might have with God isn't where we want it to be (and I don't think it ever will). However I will always know without doubt that when my roommates, my co-workers, my family, my friends, and the people I love the most forsake me, the Lord won't, and that's more than enough to try hard and to be strong.
I wonder if God has plans for me to Live on a boat Be Homeless Teach Mathematics Work at a University or Community College Own my own bakery Be a wedding planner Teach for Educational Opportunity and Eqaulity Coach Soccer Run my own school Apply math and science to outdoor survival and education Intern with Younglife Host Dinners and parties at my home Build a Small House Bee Keep Be Married Stay Single Get a dog, or a cat Travel back to Europe Work as a Missionary Rollerblade until im too old Write Lyrics for Christian singers Learn Guitar Live with my Dad Have Children Foster Kids Be a surrogate Mother Graduate College Move to a new state Play soccer all the time Do crafts till the break of the morning Bring a dog to work Be a part of a search and rescue team Sail Fish on a fishing boat Workout and get back abs Climb many mountains and through hike the PCT Make New friends Give up my money Run miles after miles Listen to the story of ...