Life Full of Soul

What are we doing, as an individual as a country? What are we searching for, what are we hoping to find or discover? What answers do we need answered? It's hard to believe in people but not the system. It's even harder to believe in the dream but not the process of getting there. It's becoming a battle of mind and heart, spirit and body, tongue and ear. What hope can we have for our families and our neighbors? Are you speaking, am I receiving, or am I interrupting and shouting my response back. To glorify The Lord is what I hear, to love and give and love and give without looking back. But like a dog whose chased multiple balls, I'm worn out and need a nap. What's my role, what was the goal. What are we all running for? To take part but not be a part, we then cannot expect to overcome the past. Have we lost faith in Him or have we given up asking. Who are we impressing? We're cycling. Cycling. Cycling. I'm not talking about a simple fix, I'm not ...

There's got to be a reason why we can't dig deep sometimes. There's definitely got to be a situation or experience that keeps us from letting love overtake our minds. Why don't we move forward? Why can't one grow to shift the wall of current situations? I'm sadden because I feel I can't be there, because I feel as if I'm not believing or accepting the gifts we've been given. I just want to move closer, I want to move in and unpack the stuff I've yet to forgiven and be forgiven of. Maybe I'm not believing, maybe I'm just not clearly seeing, that the power I've been given can change some habits and bring an abundance of joy to the people who think church is doing nothing. But this isn't a steeple. I'm not taking about an organizational freakish place, I'm talking about a group of people. All I know is that I have a long way to go, and anything can increase but it is he who will bring the true peace. Maybe that's what I...

I want to be done studying, done processing and analyzing, done researching. I want to live with people, go through the thick and thin with my community. I want to work hard, use my body, use my heart instead of my mind. I want to sympathize, dream and be thankful. I want to stop planning and just enjoy the day for what it could be, for what it truly is. So much of me just wants to get away, break free, live of the land, live off the word of the one above. I'm ready for some southern gospel, some sweet tea. I need some peace and quiet, no pressure, no due date, no discrimination. I am so ready to rid myself of ugliness, and to take it up kindly with those that are rude to me. Please set me free

Lord, sometimes I run to everything around me before I even consider to come to you. I don't mean to forget you. I don't mean to ignore you. I'm not thinking clearly. I know you have plans for me. I know your putting fire to the flame. I am ready to come home. I am ready to run through fields of death to see your light. So take it. I want to feel the ounce difference in my body. Shake me up, change my goals, change the destination I have so carefully designed. My heart is beginning to ache, its longing for the embrace. I am breathing your breaths, I am singing your songs. I hear your whisper, I see your frames of art. Like the bread, crumble the dead skin and open the wounds that need to be baked. I can close my eyes, but I beg to be changed. You have control. You have my attention. Through the sadness I know its right. I know that you'll be right by my side. No more talk, no more walk. Lets do this right. I want to be your bride. Standing, Ill promise my life. Tree...

This November I got the chance to watch home videos and learn a little more about my life- understanding more clearly what happened between my parents and potentially why God had planed it that way. I want to document this, I want to right everything running through my head right now, but I cant. I don't need to. I love you Lord, I want to give all my worries up to you, I want you to take control. I care about him God, I think I may love him, and if that's so and he isn't a part of your plan then please help me to close the door completely before I follow yours. I wont be a replication of my mom and dad.

I wonder if God has plans for me to Live on a boat Be Homeless Teach Mathematics Work at a University or Community College Own my own bakery Be a wedding planner Teach for Educational Opportunity and Eqaulity Coach Soccer Run my own school Apply math and science to outdoor survival and education Intern with Younglife Host Dinners and parties at my home Build a Small House Bee Keep Be Married Stay Single Get a dog, or a cat Travel back to Europe Work as a Missionary Rollerblade until im too old Write Lyrics for Christian singers Learn Guitar Live with my Dad Have Children Foster Kids Be a surrogate Mother Graduate College Move to a new state Play soccer all the time Do crafts till the break of the morning Bring a dog to work Be a part of a search and rescue team Sail  Fish on a fishing boat Workout and get back abs Climb many mountains and through hike the PCT Make New friends Give up my money Run miles after miles Listen to the story of ...